DEC 20

A Need to Protect our Seniors

Corpus Christi police look for man who choked woman at restaurant

What do you envision a potential sexual assault victim to look like? Going by mass media standards, it probably is a young, attractive female being stalked by a stranger in a dark alley. Statistics tell us otherwise.

According to the Texas Association Against Sexual Assault, 18% of all sexual assault victims are over the age of 60. It is uncomfortable to think of the elderly as victims of sexual assault, however as adults age, we are still potential victims. Sexual assault is not sexually motivated, but is a tool to exert the perpetrators’ need for power and control over others. The victim is violated, humiliated and demeaned.

With physical limitations and the diminished ability to defend themselves, seniors are vulnerable and seen as easy targets. Their vulnerability creates opportunity for those looking to victimize others. A person of any age, size, gender, or ability should never be expected to fend off an attack, and the blame should always be placed on the offender.

Most sexual assault, including abuse of the elderly, is committed by people known to the victim, and often perpetrators violate those who are under their care. To protect our seniors, take an active role in their lives to send the message that we will not tolerate our elders being victimized - either by strangers looking for a vulnerable victim or by those in whom we have put our trust.

Media: Please contact Teri at 361/881-8888 or thodges@thewomensshelter.org for an interview.

DEC 12

A Christmas Tragedy That Did Not Have to Be

Corpus Christi police: Woman shot to death Monday, Alice police officer arrested

Police Still Looking for Murder Weapon

Through a child’s eyes, Christmas is meant to be a time for presents, stockings, lights, family cheer, and giving. It is unfortunate that one adult has deprived a child of this sentiment and replaced it with the tragic loss of his mother and the threat to his own life. The culprit is his own father, and the impact on this boy will be unknown for years to come.

Unless this child can be made safe, and a loving environment can be provided for him with adults teaching him that he can choose his own future, one free of violence, he is at high risk of repeating domestic violence in his own home as an adult (three times more likely than children who grow up in non-violent homes), and five times more likely to abuse his own children (Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health, 2009).

It would be easy for us to say to ourselves, “Oh, that’s so sad,” then brush it aside so that our own holiday memories are not tainted. The reality is this kind of violence is happening in the homes of our own neighborhoods. Sweeping this problem under the rug does not keep us safe. In the case of this story, there was a man considered armed and dangerous somewhere in the public who had killed one in our community and threatened to kill another. Thankfully, he turned himself in and handed over custody of his son without further harm. I wish I could say that this tragedy has ended with the suspect turning himself in, however, it has only just begun.

This would be another example of how a perceived “private matter” is really a “public matter”. The accountability and responsibility for acts of domestic violence are on the individual perpetrator. However, the responsibility and burden of preventing domestic violence is a community matter.

Strong, healthy relationships in a community are a great protective factor in preventing violence of all types (“40 Developmental Assets”, The Search Institute). They encourage us, make us feel connected, hold us accountable to our own actions, and provide support in times of need. How are you willing to be a part of the solution? Contact the Women’s Shelter of South Texas.

Media: Please contact Jerry at 361/881-8888 or jdugan@thewomensshelter.org for an interview.

NOV 2

The Power and Impact a Father Can Have

Responding to the Judge William Adams Video

Judge William Adams beats daughter for using the internet (GRAPHIC)

Judge Videotaped Beating Daughter

The news is buzzing over a video clip posted by Hillary Adams showing her own father beating her with a belt when she was sixteen years old in 2004. The video was posted on her YouTube channel on October 27, 2011, and has received over 600,000 hits in its first week. It has the attention of people all over the United States. This morning, I was asked to view this clip and create a response.

At first, I thought I was listening to a distant memory of my time spent in Baghdad during the U.S. invasion of Iraq in 2003. “Get down! Face down! Get down on the --- ground! Do it, or I’ll --- shoot you!” These were phrases that once came out of my own mouth in a time of war. Sometimes, the men hearing these threats of violence were weeping in front of the children they had with them. I was supposed to be a hero to the Iraqi people, a liberator, and I found myself aiming my M-4 carbine into the faces of fathers, sons, and brothers. The strength and power I projected served the short-term goal of keeping me alive, however I often think about the long-term impact that I left behind. I never took pride in this, and I rarely shared this with anyone except for a select few people. However, today I was listening to these words on a video of a father beating his teenage daughter as he screamed out phrases like, “Give her some more!” and “I never got my lick in!” This father continues with more phrases like “beat you into submission,” “You don’t deserve to be in this house!” and “I outta just keep beating you. That’s how upset I am.” When I was asked by fellow staff members at the Women’s Shelter of South Texas how I felt about this video, all I could say was that it was akin to the way someone would treat prisoners of war in their initial capture. I was thrown back into my own barbarity. It was the way I once treated helpless people with the power I had at my disposal.

The world is watching this 7:35 minute clip from YouTube and making their opinions. I want to take a moment to point out the importance of remembering that we are heroes to someone. Men, you are someone’s hero. While my children do not know the memories I keep from them, there have been times when I was not the best father in composure and restraint. Fortunately, my wife is always around to remind me that I am their hero. Maybe I am fortunate that I have someone to remind me of this fact. Maybe I am fortunate that I am able to listen to this reminder because I respect my wife as my equal. I also recognize that my wife has the common sense in our marriage, so it has always paid off for me to listen to her advice.

The display that I watched in Hillary Adams’ video was a struggle for power and control. Discipline was no longer an issue as the father in this video went into a beating frenzy to get his daughter to “bend over on the bed”. This one parental command to “bend over on the bed” was very disturbing to me. He delivered fourteen blows with a belt, threatened to hit her in the face, and later came back to hit her three more times because he didn’t get his “lick in”. For whatever the reason, this man de-humanized his own daughter. He treated her like a thing, used words that sounded like she did not deserve his love and provision, and this was reinforced when the girl in the video was told to sleep on a couch instead of in her own bed.

Other stories have cropped up in the news recently such as Michael Lohan’s arrest for domestic violence and Juan Garza’s conviction for the murder of toddler Texas Ruiz that remind me of the importance of men acting as positive male role models in their own homes. Lohan has a long history of violence and abuse against his daughter, Lindsay Lohan, and her mother. We see the impact that men have in their families when things go terribly wrong. My wife loves watching “The Bachelor” on television, and as much as I dislike watching that show, I cannot help but notice how many women attribute low self-esteem with a poor relationship with their fathers and a high level of self-confidence with a strong relationship with their fathers. Men play a powerful influence in the lives of children.

What kind of man does my daughter need me to be? What kind of man can she look up to and consider her hero? When raising my son to become a man, what kind of hero does he need to see so that he grows up into a strong leader as well as a tender, loving husband and father? These were questions I asked myself from a bombed out building in Iraq in April 2003 when my daughter was born. These are questions that I still ask myself every day.

For those of you reading this post, what kind of man does a father have to be? What makes a man a real hero in his children’s eyes?

Media: Please contact Jerry at 361/881-8888 or jdugan@thewomensshelter.org for an interview.

SEP 15

Children Do Not Escape Domestic Violence

Threatening Children to Get at Someone Else Is Terrorism on a Domestic and Public Level

Sinton School Threat Suspect Arrested in Brownsville

Loredo in San Patricio County Jail After Threatening Son's Life

Sadly, the use of children as leverage is common in cases of domestic violence. “If you leave me, you’ll never see your kids again,” implying a custody battle. “I love your mommy very much and wouldn’t want to see anything happen to our family,” so when mom finally leaves with the children, the children are actually angry at mom because she broke up the family instead of dad’s abuse. It does not matter if the perpetrator of abuse is a man or woman, children are often used as pawns in someone’s game for power and control over another.

In recent news, a man took the use of children as a means to control another person a step further by threatening to take his children out of school by force if necessary. The threat was sent to his ex-wife, and he had made similar threats in the past. It is not relevant about whether or not an abuser means to follow through on the threat. What matters to the abuser is that the abused person believes the threat enough to allow oneself to be controlled by the abuser.

Fortunately, this man was apprehended over a hundred miles away from his intended destination. Unfortunately, his threat of violence spilled into an elementary school and community. Parents, concerned for the safety of their children, had to leave work early to pick up their children. Police officers were deployed to the school, and a statewide manhunt was underway. There was a financial and emotional toll on the community of Sinton that may linger for years to come.

It is important as a community to stop looking at domestic violence as a taboo, and learn more about the dynamics that lead to a cycle of abuse as well as embrace stronger communication channels within our families. The more we address this issue as a community matter rather than a private matter, the better chance we have of seeing our communities prevent and ultimately end violence.

Media: Please contact Jerry at 361/881-8888 or jdugan@thewomensshelter.org for an interview.

AUG 17

The World Needs Good Fathers

Children Need Positive, Engaging Dads and Father-Figures

“Mommy, can we get a daddy like their daddy?” The little girl pointed at me, “He’s always home every night before 7, and has dinner with his family. I want a daddy who does that.” There was sincere pain in her voice as she said it, and my heart was broken for my friend’s family who had made a visit to our home without him because he had to work late. While a close friend of mine was working hard to provide for his family, his 8-year old daughter was asking to trade him in for one that was present. His job pays very well, but comes at the price of long hours, travel, and fatigue by the time he comes home. I’m sure this little girl does not really want to trade in her father, but she voiced a very important need that all children have, a father who is present, loving and engaging.

Dennis Rodman was recently inducted into the NBA Hall of Fame, and he gave an acceptance speech that I would never have expected from him. Rather than watching an arrogant, showy, basketball star, I watched a vulnerable, humble, broken man share his own life with the viewing world. He shared his own shortcomings and his pain with us. I like to think that he meant for his message to make a difference.

Men play an important role in preventing violence against women, in preventing violence in general. Children desperately desire to have a man in their lives they can call their dad. As men, we have an opportunity to model healthy relationships and behaviors for children around us. There are children whose fathers have already checked out, and as men we can fill the void as coaches, teachers, and other role models. Rodman credits four men who turned his life around by filling a void as father-figures in his life. He also noted two other men who had a positive impact in his life, Scotty Pippen and Michael Jordan. Without these men, Rodman speculates he would be something else, he would be dead.

For a brief moment, Dennis Rodman sheds his image to show us the real man behind it. He is a man who desired to have a father in his own life, and in looking back wishes he was a better father to his own children, a better son to his mother, and so much more. Ironically, by showing his “weakness” and vulnerability, Rodman actually showed strength to say what his family needed to hear from him. He made himself into a positive, strong, male role model that not only his own children can look up to, but we can all learn from as well.

Media: Please contact Jerry at 361/881-8888 or jdugan@thewomensshelter.org for an interview.

MAY 23

Recent Violence in our Community, Part 2

If It’s So Bad, Why Doesn’t She Just Leave Him?

You can't just walk away from a life of domestic violence

Most of us have heard this before. Many of us have probably even thought it. It’s a legitimate question, but once people understand the dynamics of an unhealthy relationship, they can easily identify the controlling behaviors of an abuser.

In an abusive relationship, one party maintains power and control over the other. The victim in the relationship is stripped of any independence, self worth and decisions.

In the case of a local Kingsville woman, she tried to leave; and in turn, he killed her sister.

The motivation behind the killing has been labeled as “marital problems.” A typical marital problem is commonly financial, for example how much money to save and on what. Killing a sibling clearly crosses that line. The term “marital problems” implies that both parties are equally responsible for the strife and therefore are equally capable of reconciling. This was not the case here.

According to local news, the police affidavit states that before killing the sister he told her, “It’s your fault.” He blamed his sister-in-law for his “marital problems.” Who is really to blame here? Is it the wife who tried to leave him? The sister that supported her in her decision? Or the man who actually pulled the trigger?

Instead of asking why the victim chose to be a victim, are there better questions to ask? Why did the victim perceive there were no other choices? Why did the abuser not abuse? Why, as a community of bystanders, did we not help before the story is over?

Let us take responsibility in our community. Awful crimes are being committed that we never hear of in the news until, in a case like this, it is already too late. Instead of ignoring the problem, or denying that it is any of our business, let’s take a stand. Let’s hold perpetrators accountable and ensure that no one will have to go through this on our watch.

Media: Please contact Adela at 361/881-8888 or agarcia@thewomensshelter.org for an interview.

MAY 20

Recent Violence in our Community, Part 1

Domestic Violence Doesn't Stay Behind Closed Doors

Domestic Violence is a Community Matter, Not a Private One

Eight families were nearly burned alive in the middle of the night in a Corpus Christi case of arson related to domestic violence. Two mothers were killed while riding with another victim of murder. All three deaths were linked to one case of domestic violence. A woman was killed while watching television at home with her family. The killer was her brother-in-law, an abusive husband of the murder victim’s sister. The sister had just left the abusive relationship.

Events in the South Texas area in recent weeks have proven that domestic violence has a devastating way of spilling over into our lives whether we want it to or not. In all three cases, innocent people outside of the abusive relationship were endangered and even murdered. In all three cases, the abusive relationship had just ended. There is a myth that domestic violence is a private family matter that needs to be handled behind closed doors. We seem to be tolerant of family violence as long as it stays out of our own sight and knowledge. People often rationalize to themselves, “It’s none of my business,” or, “That’s a family matter they need to take care of.” Some of us want to do something, but we feel helpless and without proper resources.

Bullying Link

Domestic violence is much more than a private matter. Violence in the home, as well as abusive relationships that have not yet become violent, do have a way of affecting our communities on many levels. The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) recently completed a study in April 2011 that found a significant link between family violence and bullying in our schools where children who witness or experience family violence at home are 4 times more likely to be bullies or bullied at school. It is reported that 1 in 4 kids experience bullying today according to an updated 2010 study by the CDC and by the U.S. Justice Department (1 in 5 teens report being bullied on campus while 43% report being bullied online). The effects range from decreased performance in school, reduced attendance at school, increased risks of drug abuse and suicide, and even school shootings. The fact is that children exposed to abusive relationships have a higher risk of becoming abusers themselves, or finding themselves in an abusive relationship as they grow older.

Workplace and Business Affected

Domestic violence has a profound impact on the workplace as well, and it cannot be solved by simply sweeping the problem under the rug or by terminating the employment of the victim. Across the nation, domestic violence accounts for more than 8 million days of paid work lost, which is equivalent to more than 32,000 full-time jobs, or $8.5 billion. According to research conducted by the University of Arkansas, it is estimated that 25% of problems such as absenteeism, lower productivity, turnover and excessive use of medical benefits are due to domestic violence (Wells & Runge webinar, Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence, January 2011.) Not only are victims of domestic violence losing work time, but a U.S. National Telephone survey found that 38% of coworkers reported feeling unsafe because of domestic violence issues in the workplace. Most shocking of all, a study by the Maine Department of Labor found that 78% of perpetrators of domestic violence use workplace resources to express anger or remorse, check up on, and even threaten their victims. Domestic violence is not happening behind closed doors or in private homes. It is happening in the next cubicle, office, or workspace. In cases where violence occurs in the workplace itself such as a shooting that occurred in a local bakery a few years ago in Corpus Christi, coworkers and customers who were present have to deal with the trauma and insecurity that follows.

Anything Necessary to Preserve Power & Control

When it comes to an abuser exercising power and control over another person, that abuser will do anything necessary to preserve that power and control. Ignoring the problem does not make the problem go away. In fact, it becomes only a matter of time before the abuser is manipulating others around the relationship such as children, family members, co-workers, and neighbors in order to maintain control over the victim(s). The manipulation is subtle, and over time we begin to believe there is a problem with the victim such as a mental illness, drug or alcohol problem, and anything else that will build credibility for the abuser while discrediting the victim. When the relationship begins to fail, the pressure and manipulation may increase. In some cases, the abuser will begin to blame others for the relationship ending rather than taking personal responsibility.

Time to Face the Lion, Consider Domestic Violence as if it Were Terrorism

When we see a lion and decide to bury our heads in the sand hoping the lion will go away, the reality is that the lion is still there. Burying our heads in the sand simply makes it easier for the lion to pounce on its prey. The only real solution to ending domestic violence is to finally face the facts, hold abusers accountable, and learn how to safely become an advocate to victims. We have to begin asking ourselves who really does not want to educate our communities about domestic violence (awareness), prevention (in our schools), and intervention (correcting the batterers themselves). If 1 in 3 women experience domestic violence in their lives, the other 2 out of 3 women can become educated advocates for those who are abused and battered. If 95% of domestic violence is perpetrated by men, but only 1 in 4 men are estimated to be the perpetrators, then it is time for the other 3 out of 4 men who are decent to become staunch allies for those who are abused and battered to stop the violence before it begins (Jonathan Katz, Tough Guise, 1999). It is time to pull our heads out of the sand to face and tame the lion. Let’s ditch the terror that is domestic violence, and make a difference in our communities.

Media: Please contact Jerry at 361/881-8888 or jdugan@thewomensshelter.org for an interview.

MAY 3

Brandon Marshall & Domestic Violence: Part 3/3

Are the Denver Broncos and the NFL Really to Blame?

Can a player's team and league share responsibility?

Rasheedah Watley on Brandon Marshall Stabbing: “I’m Not Surprised”

Cops Reveal Brandon Marshall 911 Call; Case Progressing Slowly

Rasheeda Watley’s father seems to think that the Denver Broncos and the NFL victimized his daughter more than Brandon Marshall did. Ultimately, Brandon Marshall is responsible for the actions of Brandon Marshall. There should never be any confusion about that. When we witness or discover domestic violence however, a moral burden has been placed on our shoulders and we must decide to either side with the victim or side with the abuser. Doing nothing, or stating, “It’s not my business,” automatically puts someone on the side of the abuser. The message sent by inaction is that the abuse is okay. This is often difficult because openly disputing with an abuser can oftentimes endanger the victim.

A recent apartment fire in Corpus Christi that occurred in March 2011 proved domestic violence is more than just a problem within an intimate couple’s relationship. Eight families almost died in that fire which was started by an angry boyfriend. Entire neighborhoods and communities are affected by domestic violence. We cannot afford to ignore it or sweep it under the rug. It is okay for organizations like the Denver Broncos and the NFL to take a stronger stance on domestic violence that sends a message and example to the public on how men should behave. There are plenty good men committed to make their marriages healthy ones.

Media: Please contact Susan at 361/881-8888 or slowe@thewomensshelter.org for an interview.

MAY 2

Brandon Marshall & Domestic Violence: Part 2/3

Inconsistent Stories or Cycle of Violence?

Police reports span several years and more than one victim

Rasheedah Watley on Brandon Marshall Stabbing: “I’m Not Surprised”

Cops Reveal Brandon Marshall 911 Call; Case Progressing Slowly

The cycle of violence in an abusive relationship has three stages. There is the Explosion where one or more forms of abuse is inflicted upon the victim. The victim may leave the situation and even file for a protective order or end the relationship. Rasheeda Watley filed for a protective order three times in her relationship with Brandon Marshall.

The Explosion is followed by a Honeymoon Phase where both parties come back together, often at the promise of change by the abuser. The victim often believes these promises. There is hope for change. This is where Rasheeda Watley rescinds her filings for protective orders, informs the National Football League that she is not being abused, and sends the message that everything is well between herself and Marshall.

Unfortunately, with the ramifications of domestic violence removed, there is now the Tension Building Phase. Tension builds in the abuser while the victim tries everything to keep the abuser calm and hopefully prevent the violence from occurring. The victim has taken on the belief many of us on the outside have unconsciously adopted, that somehow the abuse the victim is receiving is the fault of the victim. The victim is never at fault for the abuse inflicted by the abuser.

The tension builds, the abuser snaps again, violence is committed, and the victim may take the opportunity to leave the relationship again, file for a protective order, and seek some form of freedom. Our society becomes frustrated when we see the victim return to the abuser. The reality is that an abuser’s power and control over someone is at the greatest risk when the victim decides to leave, and the abuser will do anything to regain that power and control. The abuser has deliberately convinced the victim over time that she, or he, is only complete in that relationship. A strong unhealthy bond exists. It takes a victim an average of seven attempts to leave an abusive relationship. It took Rasheeda Watley about three to four attempts herself.

Media: Please contact Susan at 361/881-8888 or slowe@thewomensshelter.org for an interview.

APR 27

Brandon Marshall & Domestic Violence: Part 1/3

The Red Flags and History of Violence

Brandon Marshall's incidents not isolated events

Brandon Marshall's Past, ESPN Video Link

One must be aware of the red flags in an abusive relationship. All abusive relationships involve an implementation of power and control by one person over another. It is easy for us from outside an abusive relationship to say we would never allow something like that to happen to us, or to blame the victim for not leaving. The reality is that the person being abused in a relationship often does not see it coming until that person is very committed in the relationship.

Red flags may be subtle, but they are present in a consistent pattern. Those red flags may include a flaring temper, a history of abusive or violent intimate relationships, controlling of financial decisions and decisions in general, and more. The abuser will often minimize the violent acts as in the case in 2008 when Brandon Marshall beat in the car of girlfriend Rasheeda Watley and stabbed her in the leg with a knife. His response, “I was just going to get my Blackberry which she stole from me.” He even denies the abuse saying, “I never put my hands on her,” despite the evidence.

Before that violence manifests itself a pattern of power and control is exerted by the abuser in the following ways: emotional abuse, isolation, intimidation, using the children as leverage, minimizing, denying, blaming the victim (someone other than the abuser), sexual abuse, privilege, economic abuse (money, basic necessities), coercion or threats. Domestic violence is not an isolated incident or one-time occurrence. It is a deliberate and intentional pattern of behavior designed to manipulate and control the victim. No two relationships are the same; however there are consistent patterns of behavior within abusive relationships. Compare Rasheeda Watley’s relationship with Marshall to his relationship with Michi Nogami-Marshall, two different relationships with similar patterns of violence.

Media: Please contact Susan at 361/881-8888 or slowe@thewomensshelter.org for an interview.

FEB 23

Why Does She Still Love Him?

Woman claims to still love boyfriend who almost killed her with a hammer

Corpus Christi man sentenced to 18 years for hammer attack

Video: Beaten Woman Still "Loves" Attacker

Before James Dellinger was sentenced to 18 years in prison for severely wounding his girlfriend with a hammer, his girlfriend testified that she still loves him, saying,"I know he tried to take my life, but he didn't. I'm still here alive and I don't think anyone has a right to take his... I'm in love with this man no matter what he did to me."

To people not familiar with the effects of domestic and sexual violence this may seem like a shocking statement. Shocking still are the comments left on the Internet, and how many people either do not understand or have no sympathy for the victim.

At least now he'll have better use for that hammer,..breaking rocks that is!! lol! I don't feel sorry for that girl, she still loves him after getting her head smashed in, send her with him!

isn't that something.. the poor girl ruined for life and quite frankly, super lucky she lived to testify and yet..so forgiving....wow, I'm almost speechless..

It is heartbreaking. I don't understand it.

One of the most important interventions Women’s Shelter advocates provide for victims of domestic violence is to help them navigate the complicated maze of shock and grief that inevitably arises after being assaulted by the person they should be able to trust more than anyone in the world, their spouse or partner. This is a maze of double messages that society’s institutions instill in women and men about their roles in society throughout their development.

Psychologists know that domestic violence distorts the ability of victims to act in their own best interest. The abuse causes varying degrees of anxiety and depression. Anxiety and depression robs the victim of her ability to think clearly and act in her own best interest. She becomes extremely vulnerable to persuasion from the abuser that she is somehow to blame. The institutions she turns to for help often reinforce her belief and place the responsibility on her, rather than the abuser.

The confusion of the victim is further reinforced as she comes face-to-face with her shame. The church may ask her “if she loved him enough” while the family may tell her “you made your bed” while the criminal justice system asks her “why did you stay?” No one seems to ask why does a man beat up his wife.

Another hurdle for victims of domestic violence in the maze of double messages is the widespread belief that love is unconditional and that we should always forgive the ones we love. Society says that divorce is wrong and that the children are the true victims. At the same time, victims are pressured to walk away from their relationships and often everything they own without looking back.

Why does she still love him? Perhaps she still loves him because you just don’t turn love on and off like a light bulb. Maybe she still loves him because it is simply the nature of love to remain after all else is gone.

Media: Please contact Paulette at 361/881-8888 or pmaier@thewomensshelter.org for an interview.

FEB 23

The Victim of Rape is Not to Blame

News reporter Lara Logan sexually assaulted in Egypt.

CBS' Lara Logan, sexually assaulted in Egypt, violated again by pundits Nir Rosen, Debbie Schlussel

Man Tweets Without Really Thinking About It First"

According to a United Nations Study on the Status of Women, 2000, 1 in 3 women will be beaten or sexually abused in their lifetime. Yet sexual assault is one of the most underreported crimes. Many factors contribute to under-reporting including shame and embarrassment, self-blame, fear of media exposure, fear of further injury or retaliation, and fear of a legal system that often puts the victim’s behavior and history on trial.

The above factors are often related to the myths of sexual assault. For example, there is a widespread belief that some victims are “asking for it” by their physical appearance or by the way they dress or by their actions. In reality, no person asks to be hurt or degraded. Research shows that rapists are looking for available, vulnerable targets, not victims who dress or behave in a particular way.

Another example is the myth that “it could never happen to me.” In reality, everyone is vulnerable to sexual assault. Rape is perpetrated against all types of people including males and females of any age, race, class, religion, occupation, education or sexual orientation.

Another myth is the belief that as long as you stay away from dangerous places and dangerous people you will not be raped. The fact is that there is no way to guarantee that sexual assault will never happen to you. There are ways to reduce risk and increase safety, but despite being prepared there are many factors which are not in our control. No matter what the situation, it is never the victims fault!

To be of assistance to a survivor one should:

• Listen without blaming or judging;
• Let them know the assault(s)was not their fault;
• Let them know they did what was necessary to prevent further harm;
• Reassure the survivor that he or she is cared for and loved;
• Encourage the sexual assault victim to seek medical attention;
• Encourage the survivor to talk about the assault(s) with an advocate, mental health professional or someone they trust. They can help survivors to explore their options;
• Let them know they do not have to manage this crisis alone.

Media: Please contact Paulette at 361/881-8888 or pmaier@thewomensshelter.org for an interview.